Dream On

The dreams are vivid, and detailed and easy to interpret (at least I think so). They almost always involve some sort of journey, always on foot. Sometimes I am running, sometimes walking, sometimes searching as in last night's dream when I was trying to find my parked car and unsuccessfully traversed lot after lot, finally concluding that it couldn't be found. Sometimes I'm by myself, sometimes I'm with Taryn or Warren or some other family member, sometimes I'm with someone I don't even know (like the little African-American girl named Eufemia in last week's dream). Sometimes the place is easily recognizable, sometimes familiar but not truly known (perhaps a place in my past?), sometimes completely unknown. I never succeed in reaching whatever destination I'm seeking, always waking before that happens, feeling happy and relieved, curious as to what would happen if I DID succeed in completing the journey in my dream, grateful that I did not.

I dream of my mother a lot (although not so much lately). I am always so thrilled to see her, my heart just explodes with love (so funny when you consider the often-difficult relationship we had because of her drinking), and I want nothing more than to hug her and have her hug me. She is always happy in my dreams, and always just out of my reach - in another room that I do not have access to; up a set of stairs (major symbolism there!); in a crowd of people. But...not SO very far away that I couldn't reach her easily. Under the right circumstances.

I dreamed of Warren two nights ago. We were in a club, hanging out with friends and family. He was getting us drinks at the bar. I overheard a young woman with long strawberry blond hair talking about her new boyfriend to one of her friends, sighing that he didn't spend enough time with her, and she gestured toward Warren. I turned to look at her, and said, somewhat incredulously, "Maybe that's because he's MARRIED!" Warren came over, looked at me, and put his arm around the young woman. I asked if he loved her enough to leave me and he smiled, looked at her tenderly and said, "Yes, I guess I do." I felt sad, but resigned...he will have to move on some day.

The dreams don't upset me (usually). I think I am more intrigued than anything else - how the mind works, how our psyches serve to protect us...how Sarah Connor can be in a dream alongside my sister and Brett Favre (umm...is he a Terminator?). At least these dreams are better than the ones I had when I was in college, pumping gas for a living and tuition money - in those, people kept driving off without paying until I was short several hundred dollars on my shift. Those were the real nightmares!

Three surgeons are trying to coordinate their schedules to accommodate a patient who has very specific ideas about when she wants to submit her body to the scalpel. Ergo, no date has been set yet, although it has been narrowed down (we think) to sometime between February 19th -26th. It's going to be a busy couple of weeks.

Taryn wrote an essay for a scholarship she is applying for, just a couple of paragraphs describing what it means to her to have a mother fighting cancer, what it's been like for me and our family, what it has taught her. She concludes her essay with this amazing insight: "Cancer didn't make my mother strong, she makes cancer weak." She IS my dream come true.

Blessings and Love to All.