Better Man

As I journey through the ridiculously slow and inherently mean pathway to divorce, I often find myself thinking angrily of the poor excuse for a man that I married, someone who, when I think about him, brings to mind the oft-seen quote "There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't jump puddles for you." I could have spent many a blog post recounting his failures as a husband, as a man, as a human being - but that is not something I cared to dwell on. Quite frankly, given what I've been put through these last 18 months I could hardly be faulted if I felt like painting all men with a broad brush of scorn and derision.  But...I choose not to, because upon reflection I realize that I have had the honor and privilege of knowing many, many good men in my life past and present.  I choose instead to pay tribute and offer thanks to those better men, whom I will name out loud and (in some cases, not all) spell out why.  Not all are still in my life - but all will always be in my heart.

In no particular order, except for these first 2:

Bruce Colasuonno - because you are my brother, my rock, the one who always, always has my back.
Christopher Sempey - because you are the only one in the whole wide world who loves Taryn like I do and because you have been there for me through it all.
Kenneth Crilly - because I never had a father, but you made sure I had a Dad
Tim Harris - because you love me anyway (you know what I mean)
Gary Bendzin
Bud Stewart - because we were the first
Fred Pollak - because we were the first also
Steve Ambos - because you were my soulmate - and 27 years later you still are and always will be. You have never been far out of my thoughts or my heart despite all the living that has happened since you were mine and I was yours.
Jim Craig - because you were (on occasion!) the "best man"
Ian Tabolt
Scott Hanley
Danny Butcher - because you make me feel like a hero, even when I don't feel like a hero
John Sempey
George McFadden - because you never give up on me
Tom Rutledge - because you took me fishing, because you were the first to know about this crazy cancer, and because you can still make me smile.
J. Matthew Morillo
Frank Paladino
Peter Pecorella - because you saved my life
Joe Tobin
Dom Ventiquattro
Kevin Shea
Don Cullen
Stephen Tyree - because you saw me more clearly than I saw myself
Vinnie Kane - because even "heroes" need heroes and you are mine

I'm sure I've missed somebody but if I did - you are no less appreciated.  Don't let anyone ever tell you that there are no good men out there - any one of these guys above would (or did) cross an ocean for me (as I would for them).

There is one more good man I will mention and that is my oncologist, Dr. Jules Cohen, who called me last Friday with unfortunate news about the results of my last PET Scan but somehow made it all right by the time we finished talking.  In short - the disease has shown progression this time around (new tumors in the lymph nodes, another in the collarbone, and growth in the shoulder and rib tumors).  Not a disaster...but not good either.  After discussing all options (I have options!) we're going to increase the dosage on my current medication, re-scan in 3 months (around early December), and if that hasn't worked to halt the progression then it's on to another form of chemotherapy (new drugs available!  See?  Options!).  The good news?  STILL no major organ involvement, STILL a relatively low tumor load, STILL managing the side effects fairly well (although I confess to a greater level of exhaustion which is probably, in part, due to the stressors in my personal life as noted above).  But..since I don't have access to a TARDIS (can you tell what my latest Netflix obsession is?) - I just gotta keep moving forward.

Blessings and Love to All.