I am happy to report that as of Monday I am back to work! (OK is it pathetic that I'm so excited about that?)
I still have a long way to go recovery-wise, but my doctors all agreed that (with certain restrictions) I could go back to work full-time. Believe it or not, despite having been away for a little over a month, it felt very natural driving up to the Bronx and going into my office (well, except for the fact that I didn't have my bagel and tea while driving up there - that was kind of a bummer). No one stole my parking space; my office door still had my name on it; my ID badge still afforded me access to the terminal - I guess they're going to let me stay! My co-workers were wonderfully welcoming - they all greeted me at the front door, decorated my office with "Welcome Back" signs, and sent flowers (including irises, my favorite). So a very special shout out to Thea, Sheryl, Sandra, Ling, Gary, John, and Scott for making my first day back a great one.
This has been one of the weirder weeks of my life. Thursday I found out that one of my dear friends (who would like to remain nameless) had been in the hospital for several weeks (no one wanted to tell me because I was still recovering from the surgery). Then my stepdad called me Friday to tell me that HE had been in the hospital the last 2 weeks after falling off a ladder and breaking 4 ribs and his ankle in 2 places (again, he didn't want to bother me while I was just out of the hospital). And today I had to take Taryn to see her orthopedist because she has hurt her knee again (the one she had ACL surgery on) - she's on crutches for now and we're trying to get an MRI scheduled. Guess I'm the healthy one of the bunch.
I did get to have some fun this weekend though. My brother's birthday was Saturday, so Friday night he had a bunch of friends and family meet at a local bar he usually hangs out at. Warren and I went down to join the festivities and I treated myself to a nice, cold Bud Light (which I nursed like a sissy drinker but enjoyed nevertheless). I even "danced" - the owner asked me if I had any requests for the jukebox, so I had him play "You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC and when it started I got up with my sister to shimmy around on my bad leg (yeah, I looked like Elaine on "Seinfeld" - maybe worse if that's possible). Yep, I paid for that poor decision the next day!
Today I saw my oncologist for the first time since January, for a regular check-up and to get started on a new hormone therapy (yeah, thanks for that big needle in my butt!). It is interesting that even the most benign (no pun intended) visit with the oncologist causes me to feel fearful and anxious, even when I know there is no bad news to be given (indeed, my blood pressure is always higher in her office than in any other setting, including when I was in the hospital or about to receive chemotherapy). I suppose it is somehow a recognition that when the bad news does come (as it inevitably will given the nature of my illness), it will come from her. No matter what - even on days like today when there truly is nothing negative that comes out of the visit - I leave there struggling to hold on to the positive outlook that I've carefully cultivated over the past 14 1/2 years of dealing with cancer.
Luckily, the Hershey's ice cream that MJ, Abby and AJ brought me tonight will more than likely bring that happiness and optimism right back. Time to take care of THAT business!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I Want Candy
Mmmm....mmmm....mmmm....mmmm...McNuggets!!
Yes, today was the day I finally had my long-desired Chicken McNuggets. It wasn't easy - I am truly out of practice when it comes to chewing. And (as you will see later) I do not have carte blanche to chew anything and everything I want. I got permission to TRY the McNuggets as long as I exercised prudence when it comes to further food choices. So another milestone in my ongoing recovery. And yes... they were amazing!
Yesterday, was a brutal day dentally. I visited the oral surgeon, who removed the braces (you know this can't be good when the kind doctor kept saying things like "Sorry this is so barbaric"). It took about 12 or so shots of lidocaine to fully numb my mouth (couldn't even feel my nose!) before he even began, so removing them was cake compared to that (those of you who get novocaine at the dentist know what I mean - right into the gums and the roof of the mouth). My mouth also only opens part way for right now, so navigating inside was a challenge and of course my jaw hurt wickedly from staying open the better part of an hour. Next up - extraction of the 2 lower front teeth, which went fairly quickly. Finally, he created a "temporary" bridge for the front using the teeth themselves. Of course, in the middle of doing this he informs me that he "hasn't done real dental work" in awhile, isn't sure he "has the competence to handle this hehhehheh" and hopes my real dentist "doesn't laugh at his work," all the while listening to the bonding instructions being given by his dental assistant. I had faith however, and he did fine, although, yes, I am still hurting today. And I must continue to eat mostly soft foods and liquids (no bagels, no steak, no candy...) until all the dental work is completed a few months from now, although I can now eat cold foods like ice cream again.
This was followed by a visit to my regular dentist for a check-up (one cavity, to be filled Friday) and the preparation of molds for fluoride trays, necessary while undergoing radiation. Again, the dentist and hygienist had to be engineers to try and get those trays into and out of my mouth, but they prevailed and did so with minimal discomfort to me.
The picture was taken yesterday, St. Patrick's Day (hence the wearing of the green). I figured you all could handle a few little scars and swelling and of course I wanted to show off that I am metal-free now. I still have some trouble speaking as a result of the numbness (not as bad as when the braces were on), usually with letters that require lips to be closed (b, p, m and f especially) since I can't quite do that yet, and don't know that I will ever be able to. However, most people (my doctors included) are able to understand me perfectly well as long as I don't use words like bubble, pepper, fluffy or marshmallow! On the upside - I am definitely drooling less without the braces!
Still a long way to go and it is hard to know what adjustments I will need to make temporarily or permanently. But a month past surgery I'm feeling pretty good about my progress AND my prognosis. I think I'll treat myself to Carvel tonight!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Drive
Ya know, this staying at home thing is not all it's cracked up to be, even with my expanded mobility. Although that's only because there is nobody to play with (especially now that Chris has gone back to Florida) - you're all at work!
The exciting part of my week has got to be the fact that I am now driving again! I ventured out for the first time yesterday, running errands around town (bank, post office, grocery store, gas station) and then today I took the big step of driving into NYC for my doctor's appointment. I didn't realize how much I missed my remote starter, my heated seats, my 1010WINS, my Sirius radio...and looking at all the gas prices while driving around! I thought I would feel nervous but instead felt perfectly comfortable and enjoyed the freedom of getting out of the house on my own. I've always enjoyed driving - how else does one commute 3 hours a day between Kings Park and the Bronx for 15 years? The only thing missing was my morning stop at Bagel Boss - that's still a couple of months away from being reality though.
My appointment today was with the plastic surgeon Dr. Levine. The man adores me, he can't believe how far I have progressed in such a short period of time. He took care of a few odds and ends (Alert: upcoming graphic descriptions may not be suitable for sensitive stomachs) -removing some stitches inside my mouth; cauterizing the tracheal wound that was oozing a bit (normal); same for some skin that had separated on the leg scar; removing the Doppler wire (he just pulled on that sucker - it looks a little like fishing wire - and out it came). We talked a bit about how much longer it would take for the last of the swelling (mostly under my chin) to go down and what to expect with respect to my ankle and leg (basically...still no yoga for awhile!). His surgical coordinator, Heidi, took a bunch of pictures (to go alongside those before and after Restylane photos in the waiting room I suppose!). I warned them that I better not see these on the Internet and Dr. Levine joked that he was going to post them on YouTube and FibulaSurgery.com (haha don't bother to check, I already did and it doesn't exist!). I don't see him again for about 6 weeks.
I must say, you have all done well stepping up to the plate with food/sauce suggestions - I've gotten lots of good ideas for making my minimal choices more exciting and tastier. And kudos to Chris for bringing me home Panera Bread's French Onion soup and for taking me out to Applebee's for their Tomato-Basil soup. It was fun to get out and enjoy a meal, however limited it was.
Warren and the kids are doing well, back into the routine of working, going to school, athletics, and social activities. I've been able (a couple times this week) to cook dinner for them and have a quasi-family meal (never the same without Emily there of course). In fact, we had a hilarious dinner Monday night with Chris, playing "Name the state capitals," a game that Taryn is particularly good at since we used to play it when she was very young, driving home from her sitter's house when I'd pick her up after work. It made for quite a few laughs and plenty of good memories.
You have all been so generous with your prayers that I'm hoping you can share some with 2 people recovering from surgery: my mother-in-law Carole, who just had eye surgery; and my friend Dan the Man's mom, who just had colon surgery. I am hoping they have quick, problem-free recoveries!
Blessings and Love to All.
The exciting part of my week has got to be the fact that I am now driving again! I ventured out for the first time yesterday, running errands around town (bank, post office, grocery store, gas station) and then today I took the big step of driving into NYC for my doctor's appointment. I didn't realize how much I missed my remote starter, my heated seats, my 1010WINS, my Sirius radio...and looking at all the gas prices while driving around! I thought I would feel nervous but instead felt perfectly comfortable and enjoyed the freedom of getting out of the house on my own. I've always enjoyed driving - how else does one commute 3 hours a day between Kings Park and the Bronx for 15 years? The only thing missing was my morning stop at Bagel Boss - that's still a couple of months away from being reality though.
My appointment today was with the plastic surgeon Dr. Levine. The man adores me, he can't believe how far I have progressed in such a short period of time. He took care of a few odds and ends (Alert: upcoming graphic descriptions may not be suitable for sensitive stomachs) -removing some stitches inside my mouth; cauterizing the tracheal wound that was oozing a bit (normal); same for some skin that had separated on the leg scar; removing the Doppler wire (he just pulled on that sucker - it looks a little like fishing wire - and out it came). We talked a bit about how much longer it would take for the last of the swelling (mostly under my chin) to go down and what to expect with respect to my ankle and leg (basically...still no yoga for awhile!). His surgical coordinator, Heidi, took a bunch of pictures (to go alongside those before and after Restylane photos in the waiting room I suppose!). I warned them that I better not see these on the Internet and Dr. Levine joked that he was going to post them on YouTube and FibulaSurgery.com (haha don't bother to check, I already did and it doesn't exist!). I don't see him again for about 6 weeks.
I must say, you have all done well stepping up to the plate with food/sauce suggestions - I've gotten lots of good ideas for making my minimal choices more exciting and tastier. And kudos to Chris for bringing me home Panera Bread's French Onion soup and for taking me out to Applebee's for their Tomato-Basil soup. It was fun to get out and enjoy a meal, however limited it was.
Warren and the kids are doing well, back into the routine of working, going to school, athletics, and social activities. I've been able (a couple times this week) to cook dinner for them and have a quasi-family meal (never the same without Emily there of course). In fact, we had a hilarious dinner Monday night with Chris, playing "Name the state capitals," a game that Taryn is particularly good at since we used to play it when she was very young, driving home from her sitter's house when I'd pick her up after work. It made for quite a few laughs and plenty of good memories.
You have all been so generous with your prayers that I'm hoping you can share some with 2 people recovering from surgery: my mother-in-law Carole, who just had eye surgery; and my friend Dan the Man's mom, who just had colon surgery. I am hoping they have quick, problem-free recoveries!
Blessings and Love to All.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You
Coming up with creative ways to enjoy pastina (I'm thinking of adding some basil pesto tonight!) and looking forward to my nightly treat of chocolate pudding - does life really get any better than this? (Haha)
I continue to progress more quickly than expected. I ditched the crutches Friday (I had been using them sparingly since Wednesday anyhow) and while I still don't have full range of motion in my leg, I did go for a little walk around my neighborhood Saturday (trying to stay away from dogs and small children so as not to frighten them with the scars and metal!). I also had a doctor visit Thursday with the oral/maxillofacial surgeon - he didn't remove the braces, but did take out one of the rubber bands so I'm able to open my mouth a little bit more (maybe now it won't take me 45 minutes to finish a bowl of oatmeal). We also discussed what happens next - removal of the braces on the 17th (expected) and extraction of my two front teeth on the bottom (not expected, but necessary before radiation because they are loose). I was a little disconcerted about the extraction, mostly because they won't be able to do anything permanent for a couple of months and I am of course worried about what it will look like, but...again, they said it would be 3-6 months before EVERYTHING is done and it is all progressing as planned. Friday I will see the plastic surgeon for a check-up...I plan on begging him to let me have a McNugget. Just one. That's all I ask. For now.
I've done a little bit of visiting with friends, although I find I have to limit the time I spend with anybody (too much talking makes my jaw a little tired and my mouth dry). Our friends Mark and Cindy paid me a short visit on Saturday. They brought some homemade chicken noodle soup which I made for lunch for Chris and I (yes, you read that correctly - I made lunch for Chris and I, so glad he came up to help with my convalescence!). Then today, Chris and Warren took me over to Chris's parents house, where I had a blast sharing stories with his mom, Julie (who is a wonderful writer in her own right and a terrific, fun lady) and his dad Jim (who has a great sense of humor, and thought nothing of teasing me right off - wonder where those Sempey boys get it?). I wouldn't say I'm ready for a lot of visitors - but I really enjoyed this weekend.
Of course, the visitors I've been seeing most often this week are the UPS drivers and the local florists because you have all been amazingly generous and thoughtful. And did I mention my poor overburdened mail carrier - your cards have made me tear up, laugh out loud, and look forward to good times in the future. All have made me very appreciative of how much everyone wants me to get well, and it makes me realize how much we are in this recovery process together. Without you - I'm not sure I'd be doing as well as I am!
Silly little things make me feel good - putting mascara on (yes, the eyelashes are growing back); doing laundry; surprising someone with a short phone call. Don't get me wrong, there is no shortage of depressing moments - this surgery was HARD and the recovery is oftentimes overwhelming, especially when I find myself longing for something I can't have (yoga...a bagel...high heels...a cure...). But most of the time I find myself at peace, joyful, thankful, and smiling quite a bit.
Pastina time - any suggestions out there?
I continue to progress more quickly than expected. I ditched the crutches Friday (I had been using them sparingly since Wednesday anyhow) and while I still don't have full range of motion in my leg, I did go for a little walk around my neighborhood Saturday (trying to stay away from dogs and small children so as not to frighten them with the scars and metal!). I also had a doctor visit Thursday with the oral/maxillofacial surgeon - he didn't remove the braces, but did take out one of the rubber bands so I'm able to open my mouth a little bit more (maybe now it won't take me 45 minutes to finish a bowl of oatmeal). We also discussed what happens next - removal of the braces on the 17th (expected) and extraction of my two front teeth on the bottom (not expected, but necessary before radiation because they are loose). I was a little disconcerted about the extraction, mostly because they won't be able to do anything permanent for a couple of months and I am of course worried about what it will look like, but...again, they said it would be 3-6 months before EVERYTHING is done and it is all progressing as planned. Friday I will see the plastic surgeon for a check-up...I plan on begging him to let me have a McNugget. Just one. That's all I ask. For now.
I've done a little bit of visiting with friends, although I find I have to limit the time I spend with anybody (too much talking makes my jaw a little tired and my mouth dry). Our friends Mark and Cindy paid me a short visit on Saturday. They brought some homemade chicken noodle soup which I made for lunch for Chris and I (yes, you read that correctly - I made lunch for Chris and I, so glad he came up to help with my convalescence!). Then today, Chris and Warren took me over to Chris's parents house, where I had a blast sharing stories with his mom, Julie (who is a wonderful writer in her own right and a terrific, fun lady) and his dad Jim (who has a great sense of humor, and thought nothing of teasing me right off - wonder where those Sempey boys get it?). I wouldn't say I'm ready for a lot of visitors - but I really enjoyed this weekend.
Of course, the visitors I've been seeing most often this week are the UPS drivers and the local florists because you have all been amazingly generous and thoughtful. And did I mention my poor overburdened mail carrier - your cards have made me tear up, laugh out loud, and look forward to good times in the future. All have made me very appreciative of how much everyone wants me to get well, and it makes me realize how much we are in this recovery process together. Without you - I'm not sure I'd be doing as well as I am!
Silly little things make me feel good - putting mascara on (yes, the eyelashes are growing back); doing laundry; surprising someone with a short phone call. Don't get me wrong, there is no shortage of depressing moments - this surgery was HARD and the recovery is oftentimes overwhelming, especially when I find myself longing for something I can't have (yoga...a bagel...high heels...a cure...). But most of the time I find myself at peace, joyful, thankful, and smiling quite a bit.
Pastina time - any suggestions out there?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
All By Myself
Today was my first day home alone, which was challenging and welcome at the same time. Until Warren and the kids left for work and school this morning, I hadn't been in the house by myself for more than an hour in 2 weeks (that's when the surgery was, believe it or not). And while there's a lot I want to do that I still can't (like laundry), I did manage to make myself somewhat useful by making doctor and dentist appointments for the kids, paying some bills, contacting some friends, making my own breakfast and lunch (my sainted husband had been preparing all my "meals" - such as they are - for me since I've been home). Hey...I can do this!
Up to this point, my progress had been exponential - each day, it seemed I could do ten times what I could the day before. Now, it is more gradual - a little more weight-bearing on the leg, a little more adventurous with meals, the swelling in my face down slightly (I now look like the bar fight might have ended in a draw, instead of me losing!). I know that certain things will help my progress move faster (for instance, when the braces are removed) and some will slow it down (when I am ready for radiation). There are moments when I question whether or not this was worth it, especially when I re-read (as I did today) all the things I wrote down in the hospital when I couldn't talk - clearly there were times (and the memories of those times fade, just like they did after the worst part of chemotherapy was over) when I was miserable, in agony, depressed, and helpless. Of course, I also remember texting Warren every day with each new accomplishment ("Feeding tube is OUT!"), excited about the control coming back into my life little by little.
On Thursday, I visit the Oral/Maxillofacial surgeon (hoping to get the braces off, but it may be too soon); next Friday (the 13th - of course!) I go back to see the Plastic surgeon (who will assess whether or not I'm allowed to chew again); and the week after that the Endocrine surgeon. So the work continues.
Given my gastronomic limitations, I have discovered this: I love pastina (Warren makes it for dinner for me almost every night - didn't we all eat this when we were toddlers??); I do not like Maple & brown sugar oatmeal; I will probably never eat soup again when I am able to chew; I want Chicken McNuggets so bad that I can't even stand to watch the McDonald's commercials on TV (I may crave these more than steak at this point); there is not a flavor of Jello I've come across that I don't like; and I'm OK with getting my chocolate fix through pudding.
You all continue to shower me with love and support, so I know I am far from being all alone in this recovery. Love and gratitude right back at ya.
Up to this point, my progress had been exponential - each day, it seemed I could do ten times what I could the day before. Now, it is more gradual - a little more weight-bearing on the leg, a little more adventurous with meals, the swelling in my face down slightly (I now look like the bar fight might have ended in a draw, instead of me losing!). I know that certain things will help my progress move faster (for instance, when the braces are removed) and some will slow it down (when I am ready for radiation). There are moments when I question whether or not this was worth it, especially when I re-read (as I did today) all the things I wrote down in the hospital when I couldn't talk - clearly there were times (and the memories of those times fade, just like they did after the worst part of chemotherapy was over) when I was miserable, in agony, depressed, and helpless. Of course, I also remember texting Warren every day with each new accomplishment ("Feeding tube is OUT!"), excited about the control coming back into my life little by little.
On Thursday, I visit the Oral/Maxillofacial surgeon (hoping to get the braces off, but it may be too soon); next Friday (the 13th - of course!) I go back to see the Plastic surgeon (who will assess whether or not I'm allowed to chew again); and the week after that the Endocrine surgeon. So the work continues.
Given my gastronomic limitations, I have discovered this: I love pastina (Warren makes it for dinner for me almost every night - didn't we all eat this when we were toddlers??); I do not like Maple & brown sugar oatmeal; I will probably never eat soup again when I am able to chew; I want Chicken McNuggets so bad that I can't even stand to watch the McDonald's commercials on TV (I may crave these more than steak at this point); there is not a flavor of Jello I've come across that I don't like; and I'm OK with getting my chocolate fix through pudding.
You all continue to shower me with love and support, so I know I am far from being all alone in this recovery. Love and gratitude right back at ya.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Home
Yes, it's true - I am home!
First of all, I want to express my profound gratitude to Patty Maloney for updating this blog daily while I was in the the hospital. Not only was it of great service to me, so that all of you were kept informed, but it took immense pressure off of Warren. That she chose to do it in keeping with the spirit of my own postings (i.e. adding titles) just makes me that much more appreciative. I am so blessed to know her and have her be a part of my life. Thank you Patty.
I have a lot to share, and probably won't do so all in one post (they might have to call it a novel then instead of a blog), but let me get this important detail out of the way first - the doctors on Grey's Anatomy have NOTHING on the doctors, residents and students at NYU Medical Center! It must be an admission or hiring requirement that they be young, hot, gorgeous and brilliant because I never saw so much beauty in one place. Oh, I had a couple of favorites it is true (Dr. Bastidis - dark-haired Mediterranean good looks and perfect white teeth; Dr. Hobeika - tall and lean with strawberry blond hair; Dr. "Jeff" - a third year medical student, Asian, with a winning smile which he flashed a lot because he often got teased by the 4th and 5th years) but visits by any of the residents, interns and students was never, ever boring. Even the women were stunning!
This was quite the ordeal and some aspects of it turned out to be quite surprising to me. Almost everything that took place is what was described to me by one or other of the doctors and yet the magnitude of this surgery was not clear to me. I can take almost any component of it ("You will have a feeding tube for about a week or so and it will be somewhat uncomfortable") and recognize that I knew about it and I still feel surprise that it was actually happening to me. Like the feeding tube - I did have one, I had it for about a week and it was uncomfortable. But I didn't know that it would cause the severe sore throat and ear pain (like swallowing razor blades) that eventually led me to plead with my doctors to do something different because the pain was to the point where I felt it interfered with both my emotional and physical recovery. This is the type of "unexpected" obstacle I would come up against every now and again while I was in the hospital.
I looked bad. I LOOK bad. I know I look bad when someone who's been warned about my appearance still says "Whoa!" out loud when they see me (my accountant, who came yesterday to do our taxes. Of course, now he feels really guilty because he told us he took a day off of work for an impacted wisdom tooth). Here's the physical rundown: left foot is swollen and bruised; left leg has a scar running down the outside from knee to ankle; I'm on crutches, putting as much weight on the leg/ankle as it can bear; bruises on my stomach from injections; bruises on my butt from inactivity; bruises up and down my left arm from IV's and blood work; thin scar running from lip to chin, and left half of bottom lip is numb (hence the drool that occasionally runs down that I don't even notice. I've changed from being a spitter to a drooler - at least I'm ready for old age); thick red scar running from below chin to just under my left ear; left jaw swollen and bruised (although the swelling does go down a little more each day - I am almost symmetrical again!); various and sundry marks and scars on my neck from little stitches used to secure the tracheostomy tube and Doppler; inside left jaw (where leg tissue replaced the inside cheek) swollen; braces on my teeth to secure the jaw in place and rubberbands to keep the jaw from moving too far up and down; and various numb parts in and around these areas. I tell everyone I look like a cross between the Elephant Man and "Jaws" from James Bond. I can't even pass the braces off as "grillz" because they are so obviously functional! So I look bad. But I do look better every day.
Coming home was difficult, disconcerting, frightening, disturbing (in addition to being wonderful of course). It was clear that life went on without me and while that truly makes me happy, it also of course spirals me towards thoughts of my own demise (not imminent certainly, but inevitable and given my circumstances likely to happen sooner than I want). But I've been down that path before and soon enough I was feeling better. Friday night some of my neighbors stopped by; Saturday I received some visitors as well before tiring in late afternoon. Getting around is hard of course with the crutches, and my diet is still severly restricted (Note to Jodi: chicken pastina soup was yummy!) but these are all short-term issues that will resolve themselves with time. I am happy to be home (and quicker than my doctors predicted - silly quacks don't they know how competitive I am?).
I attribute my continued speedy improvement not only to the care I recieved at the hands of the amazing professionals at NYU (and I will at one point be devoting an entire post to the nurses who in my opinion "stole the show" over there), but also to the power of the many prayers I received from all of you. Some of you prayed silently, some sent cards, some sent little gifts, some sent me e-mails, some sent flowers, some sent me greetings on Facebook - no matter how you did it, please know that the energy I received was instrumental in my recovery. God's love surely did shine down upon me and gave me peace through all of you. I am eternally grateful.
The business of healing continues - there will be doctor visits, follow-up tests, radiation treatment (in a couple of weeks or so) - as does the business of life. I'm looking forward to "re-entering" the world, seeing friends, sharing and hearing each other's stories, enjoying my children and husband again, going to spin class (OK fine that will have to wait), watching the Yankees and NASCAR (hmmm, maybe I should have gotten a motorized wheelchair instead of crutches...), reading, writing, praying, living. And of course, blogging - my "voice" is back (figuratively as well as literally) and I'm looking forward to sharing the details of my experience.
Sincere thanks again to Patty Maloney and God Bless Mickey McGuire in Heaven. I miss you buddy!
Blessings and Love to All!
First of all, I want to express my profound gratitude to Patty Maloney for updating this blog daily while I was in the the hospital. Not only was it of great service to me, so that all of you were kept informed, but it took immense pressure off of Warren. That she chose to do it in keeping with the spirit of my own postings (i.e. adding titles) just makes me that much more appreciative. I am so blessed to know her and have her be a part of my life. Thank you Patty.
I have a lot to share, and probably won't do so all in one post (they might have to call it a novel then instead of a blog), but let me get this important detail out of the way first - the doctors on Grey's Anatomy have NOTHING on the doctors, residents and students at NYU Medical Center! It must be an admission or hiring requirement that they be young, hot, gorgeous and brilliant because I never saw so much beauty in one place. Oh, I had a couple of favorites it is true (Dr. Bastidis - dark-haired Mediterranean good looks and perfect white teeth; Dr. Hobeika - tall and lean with strawberry blond hair; Dr. "Jeff" - a third year medical student, Asian, with a winning smile which he flashed a lot because he often got teased by the 4th and 5th years) but visits by any of the residents, interns and students was never, ever boring. Even the women were stunning!
This was quite the ordeal and some aspects of it turned out to be quite surprising to me. Almost everything that took place is what was described to me by one or other of the doctors and yet the magnitude of this surgery was not clear to me. I can take almost any component of it ("You will have a feeding tube for about a week or so and it will be somewhat uncomfortable") and recognize that I knew about it and I still feel surprise that it was actually happening to me. Like the feeding tube - I did have one, I had it for about a week and it was uncomfortable. But I didn't know that it would cause the severe sore throat and ear pain (like swallowing razor blades) that eventually led me to plead with my doctors to do something different because the pain was to the point where I felt it interfered with both my emotional and physical recovery. This is the type of "unexpected" obstacle I would come up against every now and again while I was in the hospital.
I looked bad. I LOOK bad. I know I look bad when someone who's been warned about my appearance still says "Whoa!" out loud when they see me (my accountant, who came yesterday to do our taxes. Of course, now he feels really guilty because he told us he took a day off of work for an impacted wisdom tooth). Here's the physical rundown: left foot is swollen and bruised; left leg has a scar running down the outside from knee to ankle; I'm on crutches, putting as much weight on the leg/ankle as it can bear; bruises on my stomach from injections; bruises on my butt from inactivity; bruises up and down my left arm from IV's and blood work; thin scar running from lip to chin, and left half of bottom lip is numb (hence the drool that occasionally runs down that I don't even notice. I've changed from being a spitter to a drooler - at least I'm ready for old age); thick red scar running from below chin to just under my left ear; left jaw swollen and bruised (although the swelling does go down a little more each day - I am almost symmetrical again!); various and sundry marks and scars on my neck from little stitches used to secure the tracheostomy tube and Doppler; inside left jaw (where leg tissue replaced the inside cheek) swollen; braces on my teeth to secure the jaw in place and rubberbands to keep the jaw from moving too far up and down; and various numb parts in and around these areas. I tell everyone I look like a cross between the Elephant Man and "Jaws" from James Bond. I can't even pass the braces off as "grillz" because they are so obviously functional! So I look bad. But I do look better every day.
Coming home was difficult, disconcerting, frightening, disturbing (in addition to being wonderful of course). It was clear that life went on without me and while that truly makes me happy, it also of course spirals me towards thoughts of my own demise (not imminent certainly, but inevitable and given my circumstances likely to happen sooner than I want). But I've been down that path before and soon enough I was feeling better. Friday night some of my neighbors stopped by; Saturday I received some visitors as well before tiring in late afternoon. Getting around is hard of course with the crutches, and my diet is still severly restricted (Note to Jodi: chicken pastina soup was yummy!) but these are all short-term issues that will resolve themselves with time. I am happy to be home (and quicker than my doctors predicted - silly quacks don't they know how competitive I am?).
I attribute my continued speedy improvement not only to the care I recieved at the hands of the amazing professionals at NYU (and I will at one point be devoting an entire post to the nurses who in my opinion "stole the show" over there), but also to the power of the many prayers I received from all of you. Some of you prayed silently, some sent cards, some sent little gifts, some sent me e-mails, some sent flowers, some sent me greetings on Facebook - no matter how you did it, please know that the energy I received was instrumental in my recovery. God's love surely did shine down upon me and gave me peace through all of you. I am eternally grateful.
The business of healing continues - there will be doctor visits, follow-up tests, radiation treatment (in a couple of weeks or so) - as does the business of life. I'm looking forward to "re-entering" the world, seeing friends, sharing and hearing each other's stories, enjoying my children and husband again, going to spin class (OK fine that will have to wait), watching the Yankees and NASCAR (hmmm, maybe I should have gotten a motorized wheelchair instead of crutches...), reading, writing, praying, living. And of course, blogging - my "voice" is back (figuratively as well as literally) and I'm looking forward to sharing the details of my experience.
Sincere thanks again to Patty Maloney and God Bless Mickey McGuire in Heaven. I miss you buddy!
Blessings and Love to All!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
