Broken Wings

Finally ready to give an update on my broken little chicken wing.  It has not been an easy 2 weeks, mostly complicated by the fact that it took longer than I expected to see an orthopedist but...getting a little ahead of myself.  Back to the beginning.

After my 6 hour ordeal in the Emergency room (where Taryn and Cody stayed with me the whole time), I was sent home with a brace/sling stabilizing my left arm (thank goodness I'm a righty!) and a recommendation to call an oncological orthopedist, Dr. Fazel Khan.  While I wasn't in a great deal of physical pain, I did experience a great deal of psychic pain.  I had multiple nightmares reliving how I broke it, the sound of my arm snapping, the weird sensation of seeing my lower arm basically "flopping around" on its own, the waking up abruptly thinking someone was pulling on my broken arm and literally saying out loud "It's OK.  You're OK."  But I wasn't.  It took several days for the nightmares to go away and one or two after that to even attempt going down the stairs. That still terrifies me every time I do it.

Gradually over the last two weeks I've learned to become more self-sufficient, learning to do many things one-handed, as well as recognizing which things it's just not possible to do on my own (for instance, I can bathe and get dressed on my own but I need Taryn's help to wash and dry my hair).  My moods vary widely - there are some days I feel pretty close to normal, others where my only desire is to lay in bed all day sleeping.  I get frustrated at least once a day and I feel grateful at least once a day.

There was a delay in getting an appointment with Dr. Khan - his wife had a baby.  But I finally got to see him yesterday.  He explained the nature of my break - a spiral shaft break of the humerus (upper arm).  He revealed that the bone did show signs of spots that are likely tumors, hence the need for an oncological orthopedist.  And he presented me with two options: Option #1 - leave me in the brace for a couple of months, then take some x-rays to see if it's healing.  If it isn't we would likely move on to surgery.  This is what 90% of patients do with my type of break. Option # 2 - surgery.  Dr. Khan would insert a rod in my arm and (if it doesn't seem enough) to add some plates.  I'd be in the hospital overnight, in a sling for 1-2 weeks, and then pretty much have almost full functionality in my arm.

I hadn't really understood how much more beneficial surgery would be up until then - I had been hoping to avoid surgery.  But the prospect of a better outcome combined with a shorter recovery time convinced me surgery is the way to go.  So I'm set to go under the knife next Wednesday, June 6th.  I've had to stop chemotherapy as a result (need to boost my immune system) and a quicker recovery means I can get back on my regimen that much sooner.  After all, this IS just a broken arm; I have bigger problems that continue to need attention.

During this time, I've been overwhelmed by the support received on so many levels.  So a few shout outs (and I hope I don't forget anybody but if I do, know that I've been having a few memory issues).  So here we go:  Taryn, Cody, Bruce, Lisa, Bud (calling me from his hospital bed where he just had a heart valve replacement), Jodi, Kathy, Sarita, Emily, Addison,  Joe, Patty, Mary, Ian, Chelsea, Maz, Kent, Danny, and BP who has been so accommodating these past several weeks.  Thanks to all of you for the support given to me.

One of my more boring blog posts - guess I just needed to get the facts out there.  Expect one after my surgery that's a little more entertaining (I'm assuming I'll get some awesome pain meds that will make future posts exciting, and almost assuredly embellished).

Save some prayers for my nephew Kyle.  He's the son of my newly discovered sister Karen.  Kyle has just been diagnosed with a recurrence of a melanoma he initially survived three years ago.  He's only 26 years old, and has a lot of support from his family and his girlfriend, but could use all the prayers we can give.  He is young - he deserves a long, happy life that he will get not only through the care of his doctors but also through the power of our many prayers.

Blessings and Love to All.

Only Time Will Tell

Here's something I haven't done in a long time - written a post while in the chair receiving my chemo although truth be told I'm still receiving the pre-meds right now.  Chemo drugs to be infused within the next few minutes.  In total (with labs, pre-meds and chemo drugs) I'm in the chair about 3 hours.

I am on Cycle 2, Round 2.  I receive chemo on a Friday 2 weeks in a row, then 1 week off.  So this is the 4th time I'm in the chair.  Things generally seem to be going well, although not perfectly.  There was some drama during Cycle 1, Round 2 when they tried to give me Neulasta and I made a fuss.  Neulasta is a drug designed to bring up your white blood cell count, e.g. give my immune system a boost.  I had it last time I had this type of chemo with disastrous and debilitating side effects - intense and relentless bone pain that basically sidelined me for 2 days and caused me to weepingly beg God to TAKE ME NOW.  This time around I declined the Neulasta to the chagrin of my nurse, who had to get permission from my onc to NOT give it to me.  That did not make her happy, but of course my wonderful onc Dr. Cohen supported me on this one.  It's not even included in his orders today.

Now I know I'm taking a chance not having the Neulasta because of course my immune system is compromised.  But I am already dealing with so many other pain issues, not to mention how much time I've lost recently figuring out how to manage it that I'm not willing to give up any more "quality of life" time - especially since I'm quite conscientious about monitoring my temperature and diet in order to avoid infection in general.

I HAVE had to have a couple of blood transfusions because of my low red blood cell count, which helped in lessening the fatigue I feel after chemo.  So far, the chemo side effects have been minimal - a little more tired, some very minor queasiness, a few GI issues, some instances of "chemo brain," my sense of taste altered (again).  I have found myself craving things that I don't usually crave - fruit, apple juice, English muffins; and being somewhat disinterested in things that heretofore I absolutely LIVED for - Chicken McNuggets, why have you forsaken me??

As to my pain management, I am doing well with it although just starting to feel that I may in the near future need to up my dosage in order to continue to be pain-free.  It does, however, feel good to be able to walk my Rory in the morning without feeling like a withered old lady and to get in and out of the car while visiting my gas stations without feeling like I should have a walker in the trunk with my hard hat and safety vest.  Yes, I still have my limitations (for instance, I can't really run) but all in all I'm satisfied that I'm durable and reasonably energetic.  There is one interesting, unusual and unexpected effect of the chemo/pain med combination though.  Typically, when I take the pain medication I don't experience any loopiness or altered state of consciousness (although I did when first getting used to it - my friend Kathy called it the "one beer buzz").  However...when I take it during an infusion (I have a schedule of when I take it and try not to deviate much from that schedule) I end up experiencing what can only be called a "three beer buzz" or, as I described it to Kathy, "a substantial sense of well-being!"  

The nurses and volunteers in the Infusion Center are truly amazing - many I actually remember from when I got infusion treatments here 10 years ago.  As I once remarked to a nurse of mine from Our Lady of Mercy, I don't know how they come and do a job that breaks your heart every day.  For while I (currently) have a pretty good prognosis, so many here do not.  And yet, the nurses, they continue to show up day in and day out, full of smiles and compassion, expert care and good advice.  Nurses -  those past and present who've cared for me over the years - you will all always be MY heroes! (Note:  Nurses Week starts May 6th).

I've had a baseline CT Scan so that we can tell whether the chemo is working as we get a few months down the road.  The tumor markers have already declined slightly after Cycle 1 so feeling optimistic about that.  Only time will tell.

For your prayer lists:  my cousin Bud (getting over gall bladder surgery, getting ready for heart surgery this month); my cousin Sammy (who just can't seem to catch a break with his health); my friend Danny (soldiering on through his own health issues); and my boss's husband Randy, who just yesterday underwent the exact same jaw surgery that I did a little over 9 years ago - I know just how long and hard the recovery is and I pray he has it easier than I did, if that's possible.

Blessings and Love to All.