Only Time Will Tell

Here's something I haven't done in a long time - written a post while in the chair receiving my chemo although truth be told I'm still receiving the pre-meds right now.  Chemo drugs to be infused within the next few minutes.  In total (with labs, pre-meds and chemo drugs) I'm in the chair about 3 hours.

I am on Cycle 2, Round 2.  I receive chemo on a Friday 2 weeks in a row, then 1 week off.  So this is the 4th time I'm in the chair.  Things generally seem to be going well, although not perfectly.  There was some drama during Cycle 1, Round 2 when they tried to give me Neulasta and I made a fuss.  Neulasta is a drug designed to bring up your white blood cell count, e.g. give my immune system a boost.  I had it last time I had this type of chemo with disastrous and debilitating side effects - intense and relentless bone pain that basically sidelined me for 2 days and caused me to weepingly beg God to TAKE ME NOW.  This time around I declined the Neulasta to the chagrin of my nurse, who had to get permission from my onc to NOT give it to me.  That did not make her happy, but of course my wonderful onc Dr. Cohen supported me on this one.  It's not even included in his orders today.

Now I know I'm taking a chance not having the Neulasta because of course my immune system is compromised.  But I am already dealing with so many other pain issues, not to mention how much time I've lost recently figuring out how to manage it that I'm not willing to give up any more "quality of life" time - especially since I'm quite conscientious about monitoring my temperature and diet in order to avoid infection in general.

I HAVE had to have a couple of blood transfusions because of my low red blood cell count, which helped in lessening the fatigue I feel after chemo.  So far, the chemo side effects have been minimal - a little more tired, some very minor queasiness, a few GI issues, some instances of "chemo brain," my sense of taste altered (again).  I have found myself craving things that I don't usually crave - fruit, apple juice, English muffins; and being somewhat disinterested in things that heretofore I absolutely LIVED for - Chicken McNuggets, why have you forsaken me??

As to my pain management, I am doing well with it although just starting to feel that I may in the near future need to up my dosage in order to continue to be pain-free.  It does, however, feel good to be able to walk my Rory in the morning without feeling like a withered old lady and to get in and out of the car while visiting my gas stations without feeling like I should have a walker in the trunk with my hard hat and safety vest.  Yes, I still have my limitations (for instance, I can't really run) but all in all I'm satisfied that I'm durable and reasonably energetic.  There is one interesting, unusual and unexpected effect of the chemo/pain med combination though.  Typically, when I take the pain medication I don't experience any loopiness or altered state of consciousness (although I did when first getting used to it - my friend Kathy called it the "one beer buzz").  However...when I take it during an infusion (I have a schedule of when I take it and try not to deviate much from that schedule) I end up experiencing what can only be called a "three beer buzz" or, as I described it to Kathy, "a substantial sense of well-being!"  

The nurses and volunteers in the Infusion Center are truly amazing - many I actually remember from when I got infusion treatments here 10 years ago.  As I once remarked to a nurse of mine from Our Lady of Mercy, I don't know how they come and do a job that breaks your heart every day.  For while I (currently) have a pretty good prognosis, so many here do not.  And yet, the nurses, they continue to show up day in and day out, full of smiles and compassion, expert care and good advice.  Nurses -  those past and present who've cared for me over the years - you will all always be MY heroes! (Note:  Nurses Week starts May 6th).

I've had a baseline CT Scan so that we can tell whether the chemo is working as we get a few months down the road.  The tumor markers have already declined slightly after Cycle 1 so feeling optimistic about that.  Only time will tell.

For your prayer lists:  my cousin Bud (getting over gall bladder surgery, getting ready for heart surgery this month); my cousin Sammy (who just can't seem to catch a break with his health); my friend Danny (soldiering on through his own health issues); and my boss's husband Randy, who just yesterday underwent the exact same jaw surgery that I did a little over 9 years ago - I know just how long and hard the recovery is and I pray he has it easier than I did, if that's possible.

Blessings and Love to All.