Divine Thing

On this day, 28 years ago, I went out on a date. I met Chris through his brother, whom I worked for at the time, and we got to know each other a little bit before actually going on this date. I'm not even sure who proposed it (although there is a very good possibility that I took the lead in this).

We went to a steakhouse and all I really remember of that night is that we laughed almost constantly (OK, I also remember a little of what went on afterwards - don't judge me, it was the 80's!). We dated for a couple of years, off and on, laughing way more than we ever cried, but ultimately came to the realization that we were better off as friends as opposed to being in a relationship.

When the time came that I was ready to have a baby, I turned to him. Unexpectedly, I got pregnant on the first "try", before Chris had a chance to even realize the implications or understand that this really was my plan. It hasn't been easy for him, but boy has he turned out to be an amazing father! Taryn and I both count ourselves lucky for having him - and quite fortunately, so do Warren, Emily and Ian.

Chris was a part of our wedding party. He's helped see me through 3 bouts with cancer. He's been there for all of Taryn's important moments and a good number of Emily and Ian's. He's had his share of good fortune and his share of sadness, and 28 years later he can still make me laugh like almost nobody else.

This is his own personal "shout out" for saying "yes" 28 years ago (either that or saying "Can I interest you in a date?" which sounds absolutely nothing like how he would have said it) and for completing our family. And THAT - is a divine thing.

Blessings and Love to All.

Do You Believe in Magic?

Every so often I am taken aback by the extraordinary amount of effort I put into preserving what little is left of my not-so youthful appearance. Special “anti-aging/rejuvenating” cleansing face wash; “clarifying toner”; “dramatically different” moisturizing lotion; “anti-gravity firming under eye cream”; lip cream to eliminate “fine lines”; “deeply hydrating” body moisturizer; overnight “regenerating” face cream; “softening” hand cream; “magic” concealers – well you get the picture (and some of you are saying “Is that it?!). Of course, some of it is necessary because of the treatments I’ve had (I’m probably the only person in the world who will actually use the entire amount in that huge jar of Aquafor to soothe my poor over-radiated lips) but most of it is good old magical thinking that I will live long enough to say “Well that was money well spent!”

I go to work, I fuss with my hair (yeah, don’t even get me started on how many hair products I use – thank God I go bald every once in awhile otherwise I might go broke), I get to the gym, I clean the house (um, sort of, we do have a cleaning service every other week), I pay the bills, I even cook a meal every once in awhile (ok, collectively now – “Poor Warren!”). All things that on occasion cause me to stop and wonder “Now WHY am I doing this again?” because the overwhelming desire at times is to just let it all go. Get fat, get ugly, get wrinkly, get bankrupt, get lazy, get dirty (and I don’t mean in the wink-wink way - get your minds out of the gutter!) because maybe I won’t really have the chance to get there. And yet…I don’t stop. Mostly because I really do love shopping for shoes and ya can’t do that without money! Seriously though, it’s because no matter what the reality of this disease tells me, I can’t help sometimes believing EACH TIME that THIS time I’ve beat it. For good.

Tomorrow I go for my regular PET/CT scan (can’t believe it’s already been 6 months since the last one) and so the cycle begins anew. Test, wait, results, freedom, test, wait, results, freedom. Test. Wait. Results. Freedom?

A loving and heartfelt shout out to Lynne and Dom who kindly, untiringly and tenderly shepherded Dom’s cousin Mark to a peaceful passing last Saturday. Their extraordinary compassion and commitment to making his last days tolerable is proof positive in the power of love and I am lucky to have such amazing people in my life. I am praying that the grief they feel at their loss is tempered by joyous memories of Mark’s life and the support of family and friends.


Shout outs as well to Carol M. (it’s been a year since Mickey’s passing and all of our memories of him hold strong) and Patti B. (it’s been a year since we almost lost you and I am ever so thankful that you remain firmly anchored in this world).

Blessings and Love to All.