Needles and Pins

So yesterday my sweet nurse (I'll call her "J") sticks her needle in my vein to get me ready for my Zometa infusion and I watch as she wriggles it around, a perplexed look on her face, trying to get it to offer up my blood. When it doesn't work, she inserts another needle right next to it ("Don't worry!" she chirps, "I'll take the first one out when I'm done!"), beaming when this one takes and working to stem the slight flow of blood that slowly oozes from the first. I tease her about the mess she is making on my arm, advising that this is a blog-worthy incident and assuring her that all names will be changed to protect the innocent. "J" is unfazed, says she just wants to know when the book comes out so she can read all about it.

As I am infused, I receive an unexpected visitor - my new oncologist. I had an appointment to see him on February 10th, but he came looking for me anyhow. Point in his favor. We started to chat about my case and it was clear he had read the file as he had knowledge of many of the details. Another point in his favor - usually I have to relate the whole sordid tale from its start 16 years ago all the way to the present. I'm starting to like this guy! (Actually, "J" had told me she thought I would.) He looks me in the eye. He listens to me. He accommodates my request to have my follow-up scans done in March instead of February since I continue to be asymptomatic physically and the tumor load is so small. He agrees that I don't have to come back on the 10th unless I think I need to (I don't). I warn him that I've been through 6 oncologists in 6 years and that I expect him to stick around awhile. He nervously agrees.

Most importantly, he put my mind at ease about the side effects I've been experiencing from the Aromasin. Over the past several weeks, what started as mild tingling in my fingertips has developed into major tingling, numbness, and joint pain in my hands and on up to my elbows (on occasion), affecting my ability to sleep through the night, engage in fine motor skills (buttons, arrrgghhhh!), and achieve arm balances in yoga. It actually becomes quite painful at times, not to mention frustrating when I have to stop what I'm doing (blowdrying my hair, signing documents, putting on jewelry, cooking - alright in fairness I don't cook much but wow, hands are like totally important!), wait for the pins and needles to subside and sensation to return before resuming whatever activity I was engaged in. I don't mind making adjustments (I've had to do so much as a result of surgeries and medications over the years) but I was worried that I was doing permanent damage to my nerves.

Reassured by my oncologist that I am not, that this side effect, while uncomfortable, is not dangerous, I resolve to just suck it up, make the changes I need to to deal with it, and recognize that after awhile whatever adjustments I've made will become second nature, just like the other ones have - chewing on one side of my mouth, covering (as best I can) the bald spot on the back of my head, checking for stray drool/food on the part of my chin I can't feel, Spinning instead of running. Still...those damn buttons! Arrrgghhhh!

A quick shout out to some folks that I reconnected with this past weekend. Guys, after 30 years I was a little nervous about seeing you all after so much time had passed, but it took you mere seconds to make me feel loved and welcome again. Your friendship meant a great deal to me back then and now I know why - you are just plain terrific people (who, by the way, are still able to make me laugh long and loudly). Here's to Dave, Joanne, Tricia, Barry, Chris ("Ned"), Kevin and Eric. The memories - old and new - are priceless.

Please say prayers for Fred's speedy recovery everyone and...

Blessings and Love to All.

Rock the Boat

Not sure I need to post another word, given the photo evidence above of the fun time Taryn and I had on our post-Christmas cruise!


What we did was fun – swimming with the dolphins (despite some VERY cold temperatures in and out of the water that day); buying jewelry in Grand Cayman (tanzanite, of course, because there is “ONLY ONE TANZANITE MINE IN AFRICA AND IT’S RUNNING OUT!”); dining on board ship (we found a restaurant that had chicken parmesan, Taryn’s favorite); ATV’ing in Cozumel (yes, I was a bit of a maniac on the quad); drinking margaritas and doing tequila shots at Senor Frog’s (a proud moment as a mother, teaching my daughter how to do a tequila shot – thanks for the lessons Lisa!); losing money in the casino (what, you thought we would win?); shopping for the perfect pink sombrero. So what if the waves were so high the first day that it was hard to stand upright (and hard to hold on to one’s lunch – poor Taryn needed some Dramamine to get through it). And so what if the overcast skies and moderate temperatures spoiled any chance for a tan? It was still vacation – and we enjoyed every minute of it.


Yes, what we did was fun. But what we had, what we enjoyed? A priceless opportunity to share precious time together, memory-making moments in the here and now, laughing with carefree abandon, and loving as only a mother and daughter can.


We stayed in Florida a few days after arriving back in Miami so that Taryn could spend time with Chris. Warren came down so that we could all spend New Year’s Eve together and our friend Danny B. made us all the most magnificent meal that evening. He is a culinary wonder and we were immeasurably spoiled by him. We rang in the new year quietly but happily.


I also got the opportunity I’ve been seeking for 5 years now to visit my cousin Fred in Stuart, FL. That’s a photo of us above. Fred and I pretty much grew up together - our mothers were first cousins and best friends (and ironically, both died of pancreatic cancer within a year of each other); we were born 2 weeks apart from each other, first born in each family; our sisters were born within months of each other, our brothers within weeks of each other (yes, Trish, my mother failed to provide you with a “counterpart cousin”). Next to my cousins Lisa and Bud, I probably spent more time with Fred than anyone else as a child. For many reasons, too numerous and personal to go into here, we lost touch in our early adult years, but reconnected several years ago and vowed to (at some point) get together. Which we (Warren and I) did, the Sunday after New Year’s.


We spent some time at Fred’s house, getting to know each other again and when his daughter, Liz, made mention of her Dad’s “OCD” with respect to where things go in the house Warren just looked at me with a “Wow, that sounds familiar!” expression on his face. And during lunch at a local restaurant right on the waterfront we confirmed what we already suspected - we are more alike than not in a great many areas of our lives (for instance we are both absolutely great-looking for our age AND terribly bright and humorous to boot). Fred and I spent some time reminiscing (not too much – neither of us thought of our childhoods as a magical time!) and looking at old photo albums, some time dishing about our families, but most of the time was spent enjoying the present moments together. And we agreed – it will not be another 20 years before we see each other again.


On a health note, I am officially the George Steinbrenner of cancer patients – about to break in a new oncologist, the 6th one in 6 years. Why do they keep leaving me? Are they pissed because I keep hanging around and hanging around and hanging around long after most in my circumstances expire? Guess it’s exhausting keeping me alive for so long – the latest one is actually leaving the country to go practice medicine abroad (so she says). Any bets on whether or not I outlast this next one?

My wish is that we all get to enjoy 2011 to its absolute fullest. Blessings and Love to All.