Rock and Roll Never Forgets/Dancing In the Street

There is a certain malaise that comes about as a result of the constant attention paid to maintaining survivorship over a long period of time.  It is wearying to wonder when the other shoe is going to drop, when the body is going to give up, when the reports are going to cease to be encouraging, when those fateful words - "You should think about getting your affairs in order" - are finally uttered.  One tends to get...lazy.  And so I have noticed over the years not only the loss of various and sundry body parts, but also the loss of my sense of me (and I'm certain this is not only due to my illness, but also to my advancing age, changed employment circumstances, marital struggles, etc. as well).  Where are the parts of me that I used to love?

While I do try not to dwell on the past too much (and certainly not on the future too much), it occurs to me that a bit of introspection into that area may not be all bad.  Oh, I'm not necessarily interested in a reckoning of my sins (Good Lord, I don't have the time for that lengthy of a blog post) nor am I inclined to wax rhapsodic about the glory days of yore (probably because I don't remember many of them haha).  But I have been interested in examining what "lost" parts of me I would like to reclaim and in implementing changes that, however small, will improve my state of mind.

A couple of weeks ago there was one particular day that was warm and sunny and for whatever reason I decided to do something that I hadn't done in a long time - I rolled down my windows and I turned up the radio and I sang out loud in my car as I was driving from station to station for work.  I blasted Led Zeppelin and Eric Clapton and the Rolling Stones and Pink and Rihanna and Maroon 5.    I played songs that brought back memories ("I Can See Clearly Now" will always remind me of my mother); songs that reminded me of certain people (yeah, I probably have a song or songs in mind for each one of you!); songs that I've used as blog titles (and ones that I envision using as blog titles some day); songs that made me look up at the sky and say "Are you serious God?"; and songs that made me dance (a little bit) in the car while driving (c'mon who could actually stay still while "Walking on Sunshine" is playing?).  I played old favorites ("Shambala"), new favorites ("Everybody Talks"), obscure favorites ("Free Four") and meaningful favorites ("Little Wonders").  And I realized that the girl who was crazy about music for all or most of her life wasn't listening to it, singing it, or dancing to it nearly enough.

So I started running again, as painful as it is, because I run to music and after I get done running I dance in the streets to music (sorry, neighbors, to subject you to such ungraceful movements!) and despite the soreness I am always glad afterwards that I ran.  And I started going to yoga again because it is another part of me that fell by the wayside as I got lazy about taking care of my mental state.  Namaste!  And I am going to Seattle in November because happiness resides there and I deserve the love my family there offers up to me unconditionally.  And I am going to continue to dig around the "past Me" for those other missing pieces (dare I wield a tennis racquet again?) because my happiness is in my hands and no other's.

Blessings and Love to All.