Crazy Train

My sister, Bonnie, who turned 50 years old this year, won’t go get a mammogram. This despite the fact that her sister has a history of breast cancer. She won’t see a doctor for a breast exam or for any other reason. This despite the fact that she has free lifetime medical coverage through the Veteran’s Administration, having served in the Coast Guard for 4 years. She won’t stop smoking, drinking excessively, eating poorly or living unhygienically (those of you who have seen her apartment know what I’m talking about!), and won’t exercise. Her “lifestyle” lands her in the ER about once a year with a dizzy/fainting spell, which she chalks up to “low potassium – I’ll just eat a banana.”


She writes off any family illnesses to factors not related in any way to her choices. Our mom’s pancreatic cancer, caused by years of smoking? Bonnie says, “Well, she had a death wish.” Our uncle’s (the one who smoked for 55 years) emphysema? Bonnie says, “Well, he had asthma as a kid.” Our stepfather’s liver cancer? Bonnie says, “That’s because he eats so poorly.” Not because his drinking led to cirrhosis, which led to the tumors. My breast cancer? I haven’t had the nerve to ask what she thinks about that (although she probably thinks my uncontrollable obsession with shoes is a factor) and I know better than to get into a serious discussion with her about this, since any of my knowledge about the matter is summarily rejected.


In a recent go-around we had about my stepfather (who, by the way, is actually doing well despite his diagnosis – he’s vacationing in Italy with his lady friend!), Bonnie asserted she believes that all cancers are caused when someone “has an operation, and they get cut open, and the bad air and germs get in from the hospital into the open wound.” Now I realize it’s not ridiculous that some people do acquire infections and such as a result of surgery. Been there – I got an infection when my port was removed several years ago. I also know this way of thinking is not entirely uncommon among some cultures, and was certainly in vogue at a certain point in our medical evolution. And as a matter of fact, I don’t know the cause(s) of my cancer (C’mon! It’s NOT shoes!). But I can’t help it – I think she is just plain crazy.


Is she in denial? Perhaps – it sure sounds like she has (subconsciously?) constructed a scenario that insures she “won’t” get cancer. No doctors, no tests, no surgeries, no cancer! And I’m sure it does not escape her that the healthiest sibling in the family is the one who got sick – why give up smoking, drinking, eating poorly, and a sedentary life? It sure didn’t help me! Is she dead set (uh, no pun intended. Well, maybe a little intended) on dying early so as not to die alone? I know it is one of her fears, and she does believe that my mother “waited” to see a doctor until it was too late because of the very same fear (She didn’t. She regularly saw her doctors, and took her medications as directed. Just can’t stop cancer sometimes).


My sister is not unintelligent. But her ability to reason, to understand, to comprehend truth diminishes every year and it makes me sad. She has a good heart, a wonderful sense of humor, a genuine love of family, and an abundance of artistic talent. But these qualities get lost by her belligerent drunkenness, her misguided memories, her crudeness and carelessness. I have long since gotten used to the insanity that occurs whenever I am in close proximity to Bonnie (we all have – even the kids are wary of “kooky Auntie Bon”), but I still wish she’d hop off the train and visit Reality for a little bit. Because I love her and I’d really like her to be around a lot longer.


It’s been a truly wonderful summer. Here’s hoping fall and winter are similarly spectacular.


Blessings and Love to All.