Home

Yes, it's true - I am home!

First of all, I want to express my profound gratitude to Patty Maloney for updating this blog daily while I was in the the hospital. Not only was it of great service to me, so that all of you were kept informed, but it took immense pressure off of Warren. That she chose to do it in keeping with the spirit of my own postings (i.e. adding titles) just makes me that much more appreciative. I am so blessed to know her and have her be a part of my life. Thank you Patty.

I have a lot to share, and probably won't do so all in one post (they might have to call it a novel then instead of a blog), but let me get this important detail out of the way first - the doctors on Grey's Anatomy have NOTHING on the doctors, residents and students at NYU Medical Center! It must be an admission or hiring requirement that they be young, hot, gorgeous and brilliant because I never saw so much beauty in one place. Oh, I had a couple of favorites it is true (Dr. Bastidis - dark-haired Mediterranean good looks and perfect white teeth; Dr. Hobeika - tall and lean with strawberry blond hair; Dr. "Jeff" - a third year medical student, Asian, with a winning smile which he flashed a lot because he often got teased by the 4th and 5th years) but visits by any of the residents, interns and students was never, ever boring. Even the women were stunning!

This was quite the ordeal and some aspects of it turned out to be quite surprising to me. Almost everything that took place is what was described to me by one or other of the doctors and yet the magnitude of this surgery was not clear to me. I can take almost any component of it ("You will have a feeding tube for about a week or so and it will be somewhat uncomfortable") and recognize that I knew about it and I still feel surprise that it was actually happening to me. Like the feeding tube - I did have one, I had it for about a week and it was uncomfortable. But I didn't know that it would cause the severe sore throat and ear pain (like swallowing razor blades) that eventually led me to plead with my doctors to do something different because the pain was to the point where I felt it interfered with both my emotional and physical recovery. This is the type of "unexpected" obstacle I would come up against every now and again while I was in the hospital.

I looked bad. I LOOK bad. I know I look bad when someone who's been warned about my appearance still says "Whoa!" out loud when they see me (my accountant, who came yesterday to do our taxes. Of course, now he feels really guilty because he told us he took a day off of work for an impacted wisdom tooth). Here's the physical rundown: left foot is swollen and bruised; left leg has a scar running down the outside from knee to ankle; I'm on crutches, putting as much weight on the leg/ankle as it can bear; bruises on my stomach from injections; bruises on my butt from inactivity; bruises up and down my left arm from IV's and blood work; thin scar running from lip to chin, and left half of bottom lip is numb (hence the drool that occasionally runs down that I don't even notice. I've changed from being a spitter to a drooler - at least I'm ready for old age); thick red scar running from below chin to just under my left ear; left jaw swollen and bruised (although the swelling does go down a little more each day - I am almost symmetrical again!); various and sundry marks and scars on my neck from little stitches used to secure the tracheostomy tube and Doppler; inside left jaw (where leg tissue replaced the inside cheek) swollen; braces on my teeth to secure the jaw in place and rubberbands to keep the jaw from moving too far up and down; and various numb parts in and around these areas. I tell everyone I look like a cross between the Elephant Man and "Jaws" from James Bond. I can't even pass the braces off as "grillz" because they are so obviously functional! So I look bad. But I do look better every day.

Coming home was difficult, disconcerting, frightening, disturbing (in addition to being wonderful of course). It was clear that life went on without me and while that truly makes me happy, it also of course spirals me towards thoughts of my own demise (not imminent certainly, but inevitable and given my circumstances likely to happen sooner than I want). But I've been down that path before and soon enough I was feeling better. Friday night some of my neighbors stopped by; Saturday I received some visitors as well before tiring in late afternoon. Getting around is hard of course with the crutches, and my diet is still severly restricted (Note to Jodi: chicken pastina soup was yummy!) but these are all short-term issues that will resolve themselves with time. I am happy to be home (and quicker than my doctors predicted - silly quacks don't they know how competitive I am?).

I attribute my continued speedy improvement not only to the care I recieved at the hands of the amazing professionals at NYU (and I will at one point be devoting an entire post to the nurses who in my opinion "stole the show" over there), but also to the power of the many prayers I received from all of you. Some of you prayed silently, some sent cards, some sent little gifts, some sent me e-mails, some sent flowers, some sent me greetings on Facebook - no matter how you did it, please know that the energy I received was instrumental in my recovery. God's love surely did shine down upon me and gave me peace through all of you. I am eternally grateful.

The business of healing continues - there will be doctor visits, follow-up tests, radiation treatment (in a couple of weeks or so) - as does the business of life. I'm looking forward to "re-entering" the world, seeing friends, sharing and hearing each other's stories, enjoying my children and husband again, going to spin class (OK fine that will have to wait), watching the Yankees and NASCAR (hmmm, maybe I should have gotten a motorized wheelchair instead of crutches...), reading, writing, praying, living. And of course, blogging - my "voice" is back (figuratively as well as literally) and I'm looking forward to sharing the details of my experience.

Sincere thanks again to Patty Maloney and God Bless Mickey McGuire in Heaven. I miss you buddy!

Blessings and Love to All!