All By Myself

Today was my first day home alone, which was challenging and welcome at the same time. Until Warren and the kids left for work and school this morning, I hadn't been in the house by myself for more than an hour in 2 weeks (that's when the surgery was, believe it or not). And while there's a lot I want to do that I still can't (like laundry), I did manage to make myself somewhat useful by making doctor and dentist appointments for the kids, paying some bills, contacting some friends, making my own breakfast and lunch (my sainted husband had been preparing all my "meals" - such as they are - for me since I've been home). Hey...I can do this!

Up to this point, my progress had been exponential - each day, it seemed I could do ten times what I could the day before. Now, it is more gradual - a little more weight-bearing on the leg, a little more adventurous with meals, the swelling in my face down slightly (I now look like the bar fight might have ended in a draw, instead of me losing!). I know that certain things will help my progress move faster (for instance, when the braces are removed) and some will slow it down (when I am ready for radiation). There are moments when I question whether or not this was worth it, especially when I re-read (as I did today) all the things I wrote down in the hospital when I couldn't talk - clearly there were times (and the memories of those times fade, just like they did after the worst part of chemotherapy was over) when I was miserable, in agony, depressed, and helpless. Of course, I also remember texting Warren every day with each new accomplishment ("Feeding tube is OUT!"), excited about the control coming back into my life little by little.

On Thursday, I visit the Oral/Maxillofacial surgeon (hoping to get the braces off, but it may be too soon); next Friday (the 13th - of course!) I go back to see the Plastic surgeon (who will assess whether or not I'm allowed to chew again); and the week after that the Endocrine surgeon. So the work continues.

Given my gastronomic limitations, I have discovered this: I love pastina (Warren makes it for dinner for me almost every night - didn't we all eat this when we were toddlers??); I do not like Maple & brown sugar oatmeal; I will probably never eat soup again when I am able to chew; I want Chicken McNuggets so bad that I can't even stand to watch the McDonald's commercials on TV (I may crave these more than steak at this point); there is not a flavor of Jello I've come across that I don't like; and I'm OK with getting my chocolate fix through pudding.

You all continue to shower me with love and support, so I know I am far from being all alone in this recovery. Love and gratitude right back at ya.