Count On Me

Here we go, dear readers - let the countdowns begin.

I have just completed round one of my chemotherapy; round two began Wednesday. Each day ends with me saying something along the lines of "2 days down, 12 to go until I'm off the pills again." And - surprise, surprise! - 14 days of pills goes REEEAAALLY slowly, while 7 days of no medication just flies by. I'm counting pills, counting days, counting side effects, counting weeks until my next appointment, counting the number of courses until follow up scans are scheduled. And to make matters worse - I am now counting dollars. More on that later.

Let's start with side effects - they continue to be present, but (relatively) mild. I would say that most of the time I have the energy and interest to do not only what needs to be done, but what I would like to do as well. I did, after all, buy myself 2 new pairs of shoes yesterday (and will likely catch hell - deservedly so - from my sweet cousin Susan for NOT getting them at her store). I'm all too aware of the cumulative effects of chemo, so for now I'll just be glad that it's not very debilitating. It does, however, suck that chocolate doesn't taste quite as good as it does when I'm not on chemo. You are indeed a cruel master!

I saw my oncologist yesterday, who sees no need to do follow up scans until 4 or maybe 5 courses of treatment are completed. That would bring us to late December, early January. So it looks like he thinks I'll be alive until at least then (haha)! A brief reprieve, perhaps, from further bad news? Or a torturous wait for good news? I just love the unpredictability of this disease (she said sarcastically)!

Over the 17 years that I've been dealing with this disease, the one thing I never really worried about was how to pay for the enormous costs associated with keeping the devil at bay. I had wonderful insurance that, while it didn't pay for everything (I'm still slowly paying off some of the bills from the jaw reconstruction), did cover a significant portion of the expenses. It was the one thing I didn't have to stress about. No more. My company switched to an awful health insurance plan that not only imposes onerous payment responsibilities on its employees, but also does not include ANY of the doctors or hospitals I currently use to manage my disease. And although there is a "transitional care" option, it's only good for 60 days (and that's if approved, not a given even under these circumstances). I'm pretty sure I'm going to need care beyond that time. I know that I'll figure out a way to deal with this (I bet crying will help, that gets the docs every time), and I'm hopeful my company will do what they say they are going to do and come out with some better plan options in December. It's just disheartening to suddenly have this burden added on top of everything else. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but c'mon man!

And yes, there is yet one more burden, although this one I've at least got a lot of support on. My uncle has end-stage COPD/emphysema and is in the hospital right now, trying to figure out where his health is going to go from here. Talk about unpredictable diseases - one day he is told to get a hold of hospice 'cause the end is near, the next day I'm speaking with a social worker who wants to discuss a plan to get him back home. So almost-daily visits to the hospital have helped to wear me down a little but Warren and Bruce and Lisa have all stepped up to try and both ease his anxiety about his prognosis and to also provide him with the comfort of a loving family. It is a difficult deterioration to watch, and we are all hopeful that he can rally and be with us for awhile longer. 2011 already sucks enough.

I would be quite appreciative if you all could say a prayer for the safe journey (all 39.3 miles) of MJ, Jill, and NYBlueforPink during the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer this weekend. Such an inspirational group of women; such strong and committed fighters; such amazing friends. God Bless you all.

In my prayers and I hope in yours as well: Annie, Gubby, Amanda.

Blessings and Love to All.