Freedom

...from the tyranny of cancer - at least for now. My PET/CT results were negative, and although not unexpected (I did, after all, have similar results just 5 months ago), it is still always a relief to get confirmation. Now I can stop thinking that every twinge or pain or crick is a tumor lying in wait (yeah right).

I realize that even though I wasn't terribly worried about the results, there will always be an undercurrent of fear that the treatment(s) didn't work. Consider: I knew I would be blogging as soon as I got these results, and while many times I don't figure out a title for my post until I'm done writing, this time I did have titles picked out for both a positive and negative outcome. No matter how good I feel, no matter how at peace I am with my current situation, no matter what my doctors say or expect, I will never be able to escape the "just in case," the "what if," the "this is it." The joyfulness of surviving 15 years will always be offset by the sadness at having to deal with and think about cancer for so many years of my life. It appears I will always have to fight for freedom.

And let's not forget, this whole gall bladder thing still needs to be resolved. I was finally able to schedule my surgery; it will be done laparoscopically, a one-day in-and-out (no pun intended) procedure. It's set for September 23rd, which also happens to be Warren's birthday, but it was the only day they really had that fit my schedule. Don't worry - he's used to family members having organs taken out on his birthday - Emily had an emergency appendectomy on his 40th. What really stinks is I will now miss Girls' Night Out with my neighbors!

Taryn and Ian have adjusted quite well to college life - both are enjoying classes, making friends, going to football games (Go Terps! Go Blue Hens!), engaging in activities, going to parties. Warren and I did go to visit Ian the day before his 18th birthday to celebrate with him - we had lunch at the Wilmington Riverfront. And Friday I am swinging down to Maryland to see Taryn - 3 weeks is the longest I've ever gone without seeing her! Emily is working hard to maintain a tough schedule (she's commuting to classes this semester) and preparing her application for the study abroad program she's interested in for next semester. Warren's business is slowly picking up again and he is putting in a lot of hours trying to finish jobs and generate new ones. And I do fine with the quiet and the calm in the house...at least until I hear stories about murdered college students (Annie Le of Yale) and freshmen women being gang-raped (Hofstra - and even though it turned out not to be true, it still brought up disturbing issues) and alcohol-fueled partying. Then I worry about my kids, their friends, my nephew knowing that even if they exercise their freedom of choice to make good decisions at college, that random horrors can still happen. And then I pray.

Eight years ago, on September 11th, we lost forever Vinnie's sweet smile. His sacrifice; the sacrifice of his fellow firefighters; of our police officers; of our brave citizens on planes and in the Pentagon, and in the Towers; of our courageous and committed armed forces in Afghanistan and Iraq; have allowed all of us to continue to enjoy our many freedoms. As we work through the many contentious and confusing issues confronting our country let us not forget this fact, and let us honor our heroes by debating honestly and thoughtfully and respectfully with our fellow human beings. And let me humbly acknowledge that even temporary freedom from illness is far and away preferable to the fate that befell our wonderful Vinnie. We miss him dearly.

Blessings and Love to All.