All You Need Is Love

It's Valentine's Day - can you feel the love all around you? I can!

Three days until surgery. Why am I so "zen" about this? Or...maybe I'm not (I am, after all, writing in my blog again, which we all know is partly my therapy). But I do feel pretty calm and my blood pressure (taken yet again this week) is absolutely normal. I'm not screaming at my husband or children. I'm not frustrated by work pressures (and believe me, there are many). I'm not even bemoaning the lack of a clean house (OK, well the cleaning people did come this week so that's not an issue). I do wish I'd been able to make it to yoga this week, but even so I continue to practice my "yoga off the mat" as Leslie and Sumati have taught me. I'm in a good place.

I didn't even get crazy when NYU hospital called me to tell me that my insurance company approved my stay (for 5 days, LOVE the insurance desk jockeys who consult a chart instead of a surgeon on these things) and advised me to bring my balance payment with me to the hospital on Tuesday because their policy is PAY IN ADVANCE. I admit it - I was flabbergasted. Not so much because of the amount (it's not insignificant but I do have pretty good insurance and a Flexible Spending Account), but because I had never, in 14 years of dealing with hospitals, had one tell me I needed to pay up front. I actually asked the woman who called (some office administrator I'm sure) what happens to people who don't pay - do they just cancel the surgery and the person dies? She actually started negotiating with me ("You can bring half if you want, but you have to bring at least half" "You can use a credit card") - cool as a cucumber, she didn't bother to respond to my disbelief, instead repeating the policy each time I voiced my incredulousness. I have to leave my jewelry and my valuables at home, but by God, I better have that check! And this folks, is why poor people have a higher mortality rate than those better off - believe me, I am intimidated by the prospect of pre-pay so I can't imagine that someone without means wouldn't just walk away and hope that their condition doesn't get worse while they are saving up for that needed surgery. I think I'll suggest an on-site pawn shop while I'm there - old gold might fetch some good money these days!

My hair is slowly starting to grow in again. I don't detect any curls, but there does seem to be a smattering of grey. And the growth does lead to what I have dubbed "Wig Wiggle" as the cap is no longer snug against my formerly smooth scalp. On Girls Night Out (last Tuesday) I threw my head back and laughed at something Elisa said, resulting in a backwards slip of the wig nearly off my head. I quickly recovered, pulled it back on, furtively looked around the restaurant to see who might have observed this (ummm...everyone! Kidding, we always think everyone is looking at us, but really they couldn't care less). Jackie and Patty, deep in conversation, didn't even notice although Mary mentioned that she didn't think she'd ever seen me embarrassed before that night. I believe she may be right! Even worse was the next night when, after a long day working on a project, my Engineers (2 wonderful gentlemen named Luis and Alex) and I were packing up to head home. Realizing that they might not see me again until after my surgery, Alex came over to give me a hug good-bye and to wish me good luck. Well, poor guy, his hand got tangled in the wig and as he pulled away off it came. You never saw more horrified looks than the ones on Luis and Alex's faces, particularly Alex who looked as though he were holding a dead skunk. I grabbed the hairpiece, slapped it back on and began laughing hysterically until Luis and Alex were compelled to join in. We ended a long day with a giggle and needless to say, I got my office staff to call Alex the next day to tell him that they heard he was trying to steal my wig. Gotta have some fun with this!

News bites: Ian got his first college acceptance (to my alma mater, Stony Brook); Taryn got into her top choice college (University of Maryland); Emily and Ian are in California visiting their very sick Grandma Jane (sending prayers their way and Jane's way); Warren continues to work 7 days a week to try and catch up (I think he may need hugs more than I do); and the Daytona 500 is tomorrow. Go #14!

I am so touched and so thankful for the outpouring of love these last couple of weeks. Phone calls, notes, e-mails, blog comments, messages, hugs, little gifts, and most of all (and most importantly) prayers - all have served to help me go into the surgery confident of a quick and total recovery and to remind me that truly, love is all we need.